Being Queer and neurodivergent—especially as someone with ADHD and Autism—often means navigating a world that doesn’t quite fit. Add being part of the kink community into the mix, and it can feel like you’re constantly searching for a place where you belong, where you can just be. Safe spaces, where judgment and fear aren’t factors, are not just desirable; they’re essential for our well-being.
For me, kink spaces offer something unique—a potential place of belonging, but only if they truly embrace and support the diverse range of people who participate. The challenge? Too many spaces say they’re inclusive without fully understanding what that means for someone like me. Being “inclusive” requires considering the neurodivergent experience in a meaningful way, not just paying lip service to it.
Let’s be honest: kink events can be a lot—loud music, flashing lights, crowded rooms. If you’re anything like me, these elements can push your sensory system to the brink. I’ve had nights where I felt like I couldn’t breathe, scanning for a quiet corner or a quick exit to avoid sensory overload. That kind of overwhelm isn’t just uncomfortable—it can make a space feel unsafe for those of us who are wired a little differently.
Creating truly safer spaces goes beyond just physical safety or ensuring consent is respected, though those are absolutely vital. It’s also about making room for neurodivergent folks who may have specific needs that don’t align with the typical party atmosphere. What does that look like? It’s spaces that account for different sensory limits—whether that means offering a low-stimulation room, giving a heads-up about the vibe ahead of time, or just making sure the culture of the space supports neurodivergent boundaries.
The first step to finding or building these spaces is to advocate for ourselves. It’s okay to ask for what you need. Speak up to event organizers about things like noise levels or lighting, request more detailed event info beforehand, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to assert your need for accommodations. Safe spaces don’t just happen—they’re created, often by those of us who need them the most.
We can also create these spaces ourselves. Whether it’s a munch or a small gathering at someone’s home, we can shape environments where our neurodivergence is understood and honored. Consent culture shouldn’t just apply to physical boundaries but emotional and sensory ones too. Let’s build spaces where checking in about how you’re doing is normal, where taking a break isn’t stigmatized, and where all of our unique needs are respected.
At the end of the day, kink should be a place where we can explore and express all the parts of ourselves, without fear or discomfort. We deserve spaces that don’t just tolerate our differences, but celebrate them. Let’s make it happen.
At Inclusive Therapy Group, we understand the importance of finding spaces that honor your whole self—whether you're navigating the intersections of kink, neurodivergence, or any other aspect of your identity. Our therapists specialize in creating nonjudgmental, affirming environments where you can feel safe to explore and process your experiences. If you’re seeking a space to talk about kink, identity, or any mental health concerns, we’re here to support you.
https://inclusivetherapygroup.janeapp.com/
Reach out today to schedule a session and take the first step toward cultivating the safe, inclusive space you deserve—both inside and outside the therapy room.
https://inclusivetherapygroup.com/blog/safe-spaces-for-kink-finding-and-creating-them
