Parents and caregivers hope that our kids will be safe, informed, and empowered in their bodies and relationships. For sex-positive parents—especially those in the kink, BDSM, or ethical non-monogamy communities—this might involve attempting to figure out how to discuss sexuality in a truthful and age-appropriate manner without overstepping boundaries or revealing too much.
So how do we talk to our kids about kink in a way that is consistent with our values and is respectful of their level of development? Let's explore what sex-positive parenting is, and how it can help us have healthier, more compassionate discussions about topics still forbidden to much of society.
What Is Sex-Positive Parenting?
Sex-positive parenting is a mindset that entails seeing human sexuality as a healthy, normal part of life. It encourages openness, body autonomy, and consent from an early age, respecting each child's readiness and emotional maturity.
Being not sex-positive doesn't equate to giving children all the adult details—it means helping children become adults who can make informed, confident, respectful decisions about their bodies and relationships.
Why Talk About Kink?
Kink is oftentimes misunderstood to be inherently harming or inappropriate, but the fact is that kink (if practiced ethically and consensually) is simply one out of many various ways adults have of expressing power dynamics and intimacy. If you're a parent in the kink community, it's likely that your child will at some point ask questions about parts of your life that they hear or see—especially if you're open about your lifestyle in your social or activist communities.
Talking about kink in general terms can:
Make consent-based diversity in adult relationships the norm
Counter shame-based narratives about sexuality
Show how to talk about boundaries, trust, and safety
Help prevent confusion or hiding when children inevitably hear about it somewhere else
Age-Appropriate Strategies for Talking About Kink
This is how to have those talks at each stage of development:
Early Childhood (Ages 3–7):
Talk about bodily autonomy, consent, and boundaries.
"You get to decide who touches your body."
"Always ask someone first before hugging or tickling them."
This lays the groundwork for understanding everyone has varying feelings and boundaries—and that's o.k.
Middle Childhood (Ages 8–12):
Introduce more abstract concepts of relationships and personal preference.
"Some adults like playing games where they pretend to be boss or play with special equipment, and that's okay if it's safe and everyone is fine with it."
"There are many different ways people express love and closeness."
You can answer questions in general terms without giving personal or explicit information.
Teens (Ages 13+):
Give more mature, honest information depending on their level of maturity.
"Kink is only one type of adult relationship style founded on trust, safety, and communication."
"Media tend to portray kink in extreme or inaccurate terms. If you're curious, I'm here to talk about it safely and without judgment."
Teenagers are often exposed to false information online—being a reliable, nonjudgmental source keeps the channels of communication open.
Do I Have to Reveal My Own Kink Identity?
Only do it if you feel comfortable—and only if it will be purposeful. If your child is at an age where it's appropriate and they're old enough, talking through your values of consent, respect, and safety may make them feel heard and supported. But remember this: personal disclosure is never to be done at the cost of your privacy or their emotional safety.
Tips for Handling the Conversation
Use Simple Language: Keep language as simple as possible for their developmental stage.
Don't Over-Explain: Answer what they're asking, and let them control the depth level of the discussion.
Affirm Curiosity: A simple "That's a great question" says a thousand words.
Practice Consent in Your Home: Let your child see what healthy boundaries and consent in everyday life are.
Leave the Door Open: Let them know that they can always come back and ask further questions.
Talking about kink to your kids isn't talking about your sex life—it's raising educated, empathetic human beings who understand that identities, boundaries, and relationships are different for everybody.
Sex-positive parenting allows for these conversations in honesty and compassion. By being so, we are modeling exactly the values most dear to the kink community: consent, trust, communication, and choice.
https://inclusivetherapygroup.com/blog/sex-positive-parenting
